This blog contains nudity and post-surgery images
This is a story about being true to yourself. A story of loving and being who you truly are. This is a story about finding true love along the way.
Please keep an open mind. You can never walk in other's shoes. You can never know what another feels. What would you do to feel whole and complete? We have created this blog to inform and educate about transgender people.
There are so many lonely souls walking this earth. Please remember that things will change. Things will improve. You are worth it. You are perfect and never allow ANYONE to tell you different. I have linked various sites below. Reach out for help. YOU ARE NOT ALONE! WE LOVE YOU! XOXO -Sarah
These images are not edited. We thought it was important to keep the photos as is.
Some people feel trapped with their family, their job, their relationship, but to be trapped within your own body, your own self, that is truly painful. After having had top surgery, there is a weight that has been lifted that has nothing to do with the size of my chest. My wife looks at me and tells me that I am now who I was truly meant to be, and I can feel that deep inside. Yet, there are still so many times when my own socialization comes up and I become nervous about my own body. I remember cleaning the house one day without my shirt on and I went into the garage to put something away and when I saw that the garage door was open and I was still shirtless, I literally almost had a panic attack seeing the neighbors across the street and thinking holy shit, I forgot to put a shirt on! The idea that I was not allowed in public with no shirt on was still heavily ingrained in me and it took a while to calm down and remember, that I now can go shirtless. And though I do believe in feminism and that it’s a complete double standard that after a surgery I can go topless and my wife still cannot, I will not be dishonest and say that it’s not liberating. The truth is, it has nothing to do with the shirt or chest itself, it has to do with fitting into the male world, as I see myself. It’s more than just a part that you dislike, my chest was not a large nose, chubby tummy or wrinkles; my chest was an enemy attached to my own skin, giving me away and betraying a self that I knew existed, but the world had trouble seeing. And now, I walk straight, not hunched to hide, I smile with pride that I now can represent myself as I was meant to be. I know more than anything that this surgery and all trans health related issues are not just vanity. As trans people, we are all just as different from each other as any other group of people, and while many people feel as if they do not need surgery, for those of us who do, it is a dire necessity. One that people sacrifice for, take extra jobs, beg for donations, scrape by for just to be able to look in the mirror and say, there I am, finally there I am. No one should have desperately needed health care costs covered just because they got lucky. It is not a privilege, it is a right, and we, all of the LGBTQ community must begin to fight for that right as well as all of the others because dammit we also just want to fucking pee.
The journey of my husband's transition and top surgery has not been easy. It has been filled with anxiety, fear, struggle, and work. He has been handed nothing for free, nothing light in emotional weight, and nothing that he hasn't turned over in his brain hundreds of times prior to taking action.
My husband is my hero. He kissed me on my mouth, our second favorite sacred point of connection with unmistakeable trust and a valium high right before they wheeled him away from me on the hospital bed that he would return on without breasts three hours later.
He and I were literally closer after the day they unearthed this man of mine from the flesh that hid and suffocated him. His heart and mine after surgery were mearly two rib cages seperated. For the first time my heart could feel his. I remember noticing this when I felt his heart race post orgasm and felt the contractions of his life on my body.
His scars are the art of his struggle and the story of his fate. I place my lips along them - the chest width story of his masculinity, the road map of decision, the proud carvings that gave me the husband we both deaerved. He is my definition of pride while each day the testosterone injection progression makes him less afraid to use the correct bathroom.
I am a lucky woman. I have been nothing less than privlaged to have one of the most beautiful people I have ever known teach me what determination and pride really looks like. He heard "no" and "you can't" more than once, looked to me with NOT ACCEPTABLE in his eyes and made hard and right decisions.
My husband is the realist and most sincere man in my life. The trans community as a whole are men and women of determination and honesty. I am PRIVILEGED to consider myself a part of this community. I am a trans ally, a queer and the wife of a man so handsome and pure I became a better person because of it.
It was hard and it was a struggle, but every moment, every cleaning of his drainage tubes, and every intermuscular testosterone shot was and will be worth every moment. Because of him I am real.
Kris has chosen to include his daughter and niece, who lives with them, in this session. He felt it was important for everyone to see that he leads a fulfilled happy and healthy life.
Sarah: How this story came to light
Kris, Bridge, and I met on a lucky chance! I was doing a give-away through my FB page and they won. I instantly fell in love with their family dynamic. I had never met such wonderful people willing to do whatever it took to co-parent their amazing daughter. If you remember Kris's daughter is from his first marriage. They showed each other love, respect, and kindness--all things typically very lacking in divorced families.
Over the last year Kris and I had become FB friends and I watched his process from afar. I was absolutely amazed by his courage to live his life out loud. In the age of social media and cyber bullying, it would have been easier for him to never say a word or to disappear and reemerge as his new self. He chose to post about every shot, every new chin hair, and every emotion that went along with the process. Bridge posted her undying support and love. True courage!
Kris had hired me for a family shoot around the time that he announced that he got approval for his top surgery. I told my husband how much I wanted to ask them if I could document the process, but didn't want to be rude. I didn't think it was "proper" to ask.
I couldn't get it out of my mind, how it was a once in a lifetime chance to be able to document a something like this. I have this philosophy about photography...there are very few times in your life that you can actually witness change in your life. Marriage, birth and death, and everything else happens so slowly that it's hard to see the process. Why do we not document these chances. Weddings, of course that's a no brainer. Birth is slowly on the rise and death is still too taboo for our culture. These are some of the most defining moments. Moments that shape who we are and how we live our lives. Why do we not document these moments more? Kris was about to be reborn.
I'm so happy Kris and Bridge said yes to me. It took a moment of courage to ask and incredible bravery for them to say yes. To let the world see.
As I did research for our shoots, I realized there was really nothing like what I was about to shoot. There are plenty of before and afters, but nothing really about the in-between. Nothing that showed the heartache and determination that it takes to undergo major surgery to be your true self. This has to change. If we show more stories like this, if we show the human side, the pain and despair that people feel. If we show the love and support. If we shine a little light on the after, on how your life can be, on how just plain happy you can be, we can help people. We can tell them that even if your family does not support you, you are still loved, you are still valued, you are still worth it. Reach out. There are support groups, there are people going through the same thing. I love you! Kris and Bridge love you!
Kris and Bridge: As I write this I am crying. I don't think I can ever express how humbled and privileged I feel to be a part of your lives. You trusted me. This started off as a photo project and it turned into a great friendship. We cherish you and your family. We are so happy to have you in our lives. I'm happy for my kids to know you and to know your story. It makes them better people.
I love you! I love your courage! I love your passion! Thank you! XOXO
A little while ago I was contacted by a friend who shared the blogs on her FB page. A member of my friends family shared the blog with their teen who had been struggling with their own journey. These blogs help give this young person the courage to come out as transgender.
If this blog does nothing else then help YOU (you know who you are) find your way then we have done our jobs! You are loved!